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7 Notes

UCB Close Up: Michael Kayne

ucbcomedy:

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Photo courtesy of www.ucbcomedy.com

Our featured performer this week is Michael Kayne!

Michael Kayne is a very talented UCB performer. He was most recently the star of the hilarious Horse + Horse video, “Grandpa Can Have Dinner With Anyone,” and was a guest on the UCB Comedy Round Up.

neato!

5 Notes

Patrikk

Wanna see Chris Kelly (Broad City,SNL) crush it as our latest babysitter?  Give it a looook.  Chris is amazing.  

3 Notes

Erika | Stage17.tv

Posting this link to the latest Terrible Babysitters here for everyone on earth, but especially for Charlie Todd.

ENJOY.

8 Notes

ucbcomedy:

Make your Friday amazing and check out the latest UCB Comedy Round Up now!!

come to gentrify tonight!

1 Notes

In memory of Jim Rebhorn : St Paul Lutheran Church, Jersey City, NJ

James Rebhorn’s obituary, which he wrote for himself, is lovely.

37 Notes

843 plays

Bad Day

Daniel Powter

yonilotan:

"A BAD DAY" By: Yoni Lotan

THIS IS AN ACTUAL, TRUE STORY. 

So I just stepped into “Bergen Bagels” for lunch. I’ve been craving a white fish salad sandwich all morning and they have a pretty good batch. Anyways, I walk into the store and also what appears to be the middle of an intense argument between a customer and a clerk.

The customer was a nicely dressed white woman in a purple coat with fancy pins. Her face was bright RED from all the yelling. The clerk was a young latino man with tattoos all over his arms and neck. On paper, they seemed like complete opposites.

I ordered my white fish and watched the argument play out. This is what was said (to an extent):

Woman: OH, SO YOURE GONNA CHARGE ME AN EXTRA $2 FOR ASKING TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER!

Man: Ma’am, calm down!

Woman: I AM CALM! I just wanted to know how much a pound would cost me! I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE CHARGING ME AN EXTRA $2!

Man: IT IS WHAT IT IS LADY!

He rolls his eyes and bats his hand as if he were to say “Get out of here”. She scoffs loudly, grabs her potato salad, and walks over to the table in the corner. I, scoot next in line and awkwardly pay for my white fish. Then sit down and started my lunch.

Just then, the woman starts to HYSTERICALLY CRY. Balling. She cries and cries and no one is there but me and the man who apparantly made her cry.

We sit in an uncomfortable, loud silence.

It’s at this VERY moment the song “Cause You Had A Bad Day” comes on the radio. I shit you not. THE QUINTESSENTIAL tune for moments like these blasts over the womans cries. I sit there, in complete shock and watch the store clerk who is awkwardly standing there. I look at the woman to see if the irony is affecting her at all. It is not. She seems to be having quite the bad day.

The store clerk comes around the counter and walks over to the woman. He pulls up a stool and sits next to her. They then have the following conversation. (all still while “Bad Day” is playing)

Man: I’m sorry I yelled at you, Ma’am.

Woman: It’s all right, I’m sorry too. I just came back from a friends funeral, so I’m alittle emotional.

A FRIENDS FUNERAL! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! This song is playing over THIS CONVERSATION! ITS THE MOST “REAL LIFE” MOMENT IVE EVER SEEN. It’s then when the manager comes out and asks if everythings allright. The woman says that everything IS in fact fine. They continue to talk and I finish my sandwich and drink my schweppes.

Is there a moral to this story? I dont know. Did Music bring people together? Maybe. But I’ll tell you this, life is NOT boring. And I hope we all appreciate it.

Also, I hope that lady has a better day tomorrow.

70 Notes

my STOLEN computer

My computer was recently stolen from a hotel in Ohio.  The family and I were driving back and forth to Indiana from NYC and sometime during our moving out of the Fairfield Inn we’d stopped in, our computer disappeared.  We complained to the hotel management, who interviewed all their housekeepers and came up empty.  We stopped short of reporting it to the cops, under the assumptions that we didn’t want to add more time to our already lengthy trip and that there was no way we’d ever get it back. I bit the bullet and spent a hefty amount on a new Macbook.

BUT

Before it was stolen, I’d installed PREY on the computer.  And two days ago, PREY sent me an email saying that someone connected to the internet with my computer.  PREY surreptitiously turned on the computer camera and sent me a picture of the new user, a screenshot of the desktop, and a ton of their data.  The upper right hand corner of the screenshot gave the wifi name, which was RonanMaloney88 (name changed), and the username was also RonanMaloney88.  I searched the internet for a Ronan Maloney in Ohio and got only one result that came with a home address and an age: 26.  A 26-year-old would have been born in 1988, hence the 88 in his username.  I called the cops in that Ohio town.  They tracked the dude down at a new address and sent a car to his house, where they found him and his girlfriend.  His girlfriend had worked at Fairfield Inn as a housekeeper and immediately confessed to stealing the computer.

BLAM.

My computer is currently sitting in evidence at the Belmont Sheriff’s office.

A bunch of people offered to help me out and lent some technical expertise to the cause.  THANK YOU Noah Forman and Alex Khurgin.

Most of all, thanks to Deputy Weekley and also to Preyproject.com, for which this tumblr post is essentially an advertisement.  INSTALL PREY ON YOUR LAPTOP.

Also, between having my laptop stolen and finding used children’s underwear in the couch cushions, not a ringing endorsement for the Fairfield Inn of St. Clairsville, OH.

9 Notes

Happy Valentine’s Day from the two most opposite 17-year-olds.

Happy Valentine’s Day from the two most opposite 17-year-olds.

1018 Notes

This is making the rounds again and I’m so glad for it.  Toni Morrison on Charlie Rose.

Toni Morrison makes a profound point with such exceptional eloquence and grace.  

"What does that mean?"  

It’s actually great to see how Rose is rendered totally inarticulate when she challenges him.  It must have been a real revelation to him.  And this is, I think, the very best case.  He, and many others who have watched this, cannot help but be educated by her.  Her response is not a chastisement or a harangue (even though those things would be justified); her response is a lesson.  It changes the listener.

Too late to hope that I can be Toni Morrison when I grow up?

8 Notes

A truly amazing family portrait made for Carrie’s birthday by Maelle Doliveux.  This is a bad picture of the best thing in our home.  From right to left: Truman, Carrie, Willa, me.  And Fisher, always.

A truly amazing family portrait made for Carrie’s birthday by Maelle Doliveux. This is a bad picture of the best thing in our home. From right to left: Truman, Carrie, Willa, me. And Fisher, always.

29 Notes

spotastic:

My friend @connorratliff plans on going to the 2016 Summer Olympics. He has not chosen a sport yet. Tonight he had an open to the public Workout at the @ucbtheatreny . #ratliff2016 #tcgs

The shot of the audience here is my very favorite video.

264 Notes

Hi.

abbijacobson:

Hmm, where do I even start with this? This week is big. I wanted to write about this moment as I too often forget to write about things.

I want to say thank you. A for real, sincere, bottom of my heart, thank you. I think it’s a very rare thing to get to do exactly what you love doing in this…

GET IT

Notes

I respect Richard Sherman.  He’s a great player.  As a Niners fan and a Knicks fan, he reminds me of how Knicks fans viewed Reggie Miller: brash, rude, and worthy of fear.  I don’t have a problem with what he said last night; he earned the right to say it.  But I also don’t think people who do have a problem with it are racist, necessarily.  Plenty of people are racist, and plenty of people said racist stuff about Richard Sherman.  I’m definitely not arguing against that.  I’m only saying that if you don’t like it when winners take the losers and rub their faces in it instead of saying “good game”, you’re not necessarily a racist.  You’re a fan of something called sportsmanship.

I guess this is backlash-to-backlash-to-backlash?

One more time, so it’s clear: the dude is a world class football player, a good citizen, and a smart man.  No one should be acting like he’s not.  I think he plays with an attitude that makes him as good as he is.  I hope the Niners are in a position to shove it back down his throat next year, and I hope that the Broncos eviscerate the ‘Hawks, but I think it’s fine if he wants to talk trash.  I’m only saying that criticism of the way he handled himself here and in the postgame press conference is not inherently racist.  

Repeat for emphasis: it is disgusting and unforgivable to use racist language to condemn anyone.  Also, this one act does not define Richard Sherman.  Also, a white player might not be subject to the same derogation if he uttered the same remarks.  I agree with all of that.  Only saying that if you’re not a fan of these remarks, if you’re not a fan of guys who strut after a victory, you are allowed to think this was a little disappointing.

900 Notes

astonoha:

nbcsnl:

♪ Resolution. Revolution.

I am just so happy

bingo

1 Notes

This is probably the best, most honest tip out there.  Also, everyone can afford it!  Thanks, ehow.  And thanks to you, Ms. Bryant.
Note: this actually didn’t work for me, but I was able to benefit from another very common weight loss technique: severing my body below my chest.  Bye-bye, unsightly lower stomach!  Hello, sexy gauze bandages around what used to be my torso!

This is probably the best, most honest tip out there.  Also, everyone can afford it!  Thanks, ehow.  And thanks to you, Ms. Bryant.

Note: this actually didn’t work for me, but I was able to benefit from another very common weight loss technique: severing my body below my chest.  Bye-bye, unsightly lower stomach!  Hello, sexy gauze bandages around what used to be my torso!

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